Oh, how I love this picture of my precious Cole with his new shark attire! His innocence and lack of ability to hurt anyone at this point makes this momma’s heart beat faster and proudly! I used this picture really just because I can! It just seemed appropriate as I looked at the innocence of Cole at this age! Yet, we all have the ability to be ferocious with our words and actions! They can rip and tear through our flesh and our hearts! They can also inspire and build up! This time of shut down and isolation has brought out the kindness and ferociousness of all of us! As I sit and write today, I cannot believe so much time has passed since I last wrote! There are so many reasons and how I wish that all of the reasons were well meaning and focused on waiting for what the Lord was leading me to write! To be honest, I have felt empty, unfocused and in disbelief of what has gone on in our country and communities! As you all know, I love a good debate and stand on my faith and convictions for dear life! I am weathered and worn but I know where my help comes from and WHO my identity is in. Those who know me also know that I can get animated and passionate but I try very hard to be kind, smile and show grace while I am debating! I also know that I can be passive agressive and inflexible at times! Believe me, when I say that my family reminds me of it often! So, you can imagine that I have had much inner soul searching during these times of being shut down and life turned upside down for so many! That is why I have been silen!t With way too much time at home, watching the news and scanning social media, my words and thoughts were going to be an explosion of anger and unpleasantries that I know I would later regret and I am reminded in my quiet time every day that I am to share out of love and grace. I am running low on grace right now, by the way and I am sure that there are many others who feel the same!

I am not going to make this a political writing but I have been very convicted in the last 3-4 weeks that we conservatives, who genuinely seek to see our country and all people find hope, peace and a sense of morality again, have been silenced by loud screamers and hair on fire liberals who have lost all sense of right and wrong! With their lost sense of right and wrong, they scream of our intolerance, yet have completely shut us down using our foundational principles of speaking in love and grace. I have allowed some voices to shut me down! I have used the excuse that I can’t control myself right now! That is an excuse and not truth! I know that God created me not to settle for my own short comings and pursue Him by walking in His power and not my own! I will screw it up every time but if I allow Him to be present with me in my writings and speaking then, it will be right every time! Ha….easier said than done with my personality! That is what prompted this blog! I want to address a conversation on Facebook that I scanned where some close friends were arguing about the right and wrongs of Covid 19 and mask wearing! Oh goodness, as my girls have been reminding me, “don’t do it momma.” “When you feel the urge to reply, just don’t.” Poor girls, they are afraid of all kinds of horrible repercussions from momma going off! Also, as I stated above, I have really been working on self-control (It is a fruit of the spirit, you know!!) and I have been reminded, many times, through absolutely no research on my behalf of James 3:6. It says, “the tongue is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” Yikes, so, that verse has popped up for me frequently! I truly believe God has somehow programmed it on my phone or prompted me to pick studies with some reference to this verse but it has worked because I have been silent! What I have been convicted about, though, is my silence! God did not create me silent! Ask Mike and the girls! They literally ask for breaks when they can’t take it any more! God does expect me to be bold and courageous with truth! I should never be afraid of sharing with someone or many people if I allow Him to guide my words and the way I say it! So, maybe, He has been working on me and I have just gotten too comfortable in this crazy world that has turned upside down! I have watched friends, who I know and don’t know, just speak out in desire for others to find peace in this storm while we are going through it. Yet, they just get annihilated for their conservative and Christian views! We are allowing the others to spread anger, lies of their own and scare people who just have questions or are confused! I decided I could blog about my lack of speaking boldly and maybe, just maybe, the people involved in that discussion will read this and feel a little differently about the way they attacked a woman with their words of anger and flippant attitude toward her conservative beliefs and specifically, her faith.

One friend posted the daily statistics of infection and death and made reference to the fact that those who didn’t agree with her were willing to murder others! Okay, so that was over the top! 99.9% of the people who disagreed with her opinion have no desire, willingly or unwillingly, to murder anyone! She was upset and fearful, I am sure! Another friend replied and I will say, that she responded kindly that she understood how reading that report that she would be fearful and upset but that there are other studies that revealed differing opinions and that she was choosing and encouraging others to not be fearful but be informed! She also stated that although it would be so easy to be afraid, that she had learned through her life that God was calling her to not live in fear and to press on! That was all it took for the angry ones to hit the keyboard! My thought was to keep scrolling like I usually do past this person’s posts but I didn’t! My bad! That’s when I saw the comments from a man that I wish I could call a gentleman because I wouldn’t ever post a name; but he was not a gentleman and why was he fighting with a woman anyway! Good grief! So, I was fine while he was spouting off his scientific facts that he claims are also the exact truth and that, in his mind, were indisputable and not to be debated! Whatever! There are many scientists and professionals and many opinions! I am intelligent and I can research for myself! What I do know and have had very personal experience with is that man’s truth is unreliable and changes with the season! Heck, it changes every second! God’s truth has never ever changed and is always dependable, so no matter what disaster is happening around me, I must go back to my foundation that has never failed or given way on me! This world and its promises have repeatedly disappointed and failed me! Enough with that, the angry writer unleashed his opinions and my friend simply stated that she was praying for her country and leaders that we would go through this storm as safely as possible and that she would not be caught up in the fear and panic! The angry poster came back with a quippy remark and she went silent! I have noticed that we Christians are going silent so that we don’t get involved in angry debates and not say regrettable words. I have been doing that very thing for months now! I thought she handled it very graceful and didn’t get caught up in lashing back or being brought down to the level of the angry, bitter and hopelessness of where that conversation was going! I was good! I was like, I am so glad she was brave enough to jump in and maintain her grace. But, then, it happened! The guy sent another reply to his own reply and said….”where did you go? Oh, I get it! You are just like all of the other conservatives who thinks they are strong until you find someone who has facts that you can’t refute and you just run away! Oh yeah, that’s right! You all just think your God will save you!” No, he didn’t! I was speechless! I am never speechless! I wanted to punch him in his face!! I wanted to just start pounding on the keys! I was ready to unleash the book of Revelations on him!! Then, there was that still small voice going, don’t do it! I heard my girls’ voices saying, momma don’t! I didn’t! Now, I am ashamed and sad that I didn’t respond! I am proud that I didn’t use my words for evil or to tear down but I missed a chance to share truth even just a small bit in love and grace! You see, that man may never understand my faith and beliefs or desire to know where my living and breathing hope comes from but there are many seeking desperately for answers and for hope especially now! I missed it and for weeks, I have been beating myself up and praying for a way to make a difference! If by some miracle, this article gets seen by this man or anyone that needs or is seeking to understand how Christians can have peace in the storm, please here me now! When the angry man wrote that we christians are waiting for our God to save us! WE ARE ALREADY SAVED! We were saved the second we confessed that we are sinners and received Jesus in our hearts! We know that we will have troubles including sickness, death and heart break in this world! We live in a broken world and we humans are living with the consequences of our own choices every single day but when we seek Jesus as our hope and foundation in life, we can live through these horrible circumstances in our life with a peace knowing this is not all there is! Life here is brief but we have an eternity waiting that will be perfection! Now, that does not mean that we live carelessly or that we are sitting around just waiting! No, God instructs us to live life abundantly and we are to show grace and mercy as we go through this life! I am not waiting on my God to save me! I am saved! God is not a genie in a bottle that we get to pull out and manipulate! No, that is the human world we live in! How is that working for us? I have a choice every day whether to be bitter and angry about my circumstances or allow God to use my circumstances to help others! With Him, the blessings continue even when the world continues to go off the rails! He doesn’t change and His promises have never changed! Science changes, medicine changes, people change and our circumstances change but if you allow God in your life and give Him the chance to work through you, you will experience a peace that I cannot explain! You also have the choice to choose Him but never allow Him to work in you! You can just be a container with the top twisted tight! Release the top, the peace you will experience when you let some of the pressure out will amaze you! When you stop being the king of your own life and allow Him to rule, blessings will fall abundantly! The blessings may look very different than worldly blessings but His are life saving and never failing!

I have prayed for this man that his heart will be softened and a seed of truth might be planted in him! I failed him when I didn’t at least just speak of the fact that we christians aren’t waiting for God! God is waiting on us! God provided everything we needed through His son Jesus! We just have to allow Him in! If you are seeking truth, comfort and peace, I encourage you to find a church (there are hundreds online now) and/or friends who you see light and life! Social media and the news will scare and confuse you in this time of uncertainty! We, as Christians, do not have all the answers and we experience sadness, devastation, sin, anger, hopelessness and loss like every one but we also have a living hope and we know where to find a peace that the world does not have! It is sometimes unexplainable and may seem strange to you but once you really experience it, you will crave that kind of hope and peace for eternity! If you are feeling hopeless or alone right now or you need help, please reach out to someone who can help you get to a counselor or to someone you can trust! Life and Light await you even while we wait! Please don’t give up or give in! God has a plan for you! He wants to give you a hope and prosper you! Seek Him and He will prove it! It will probably be messy and unexplainable but life changing! Jeremiah 29:11. Standing in a sea of grace, Rebecca

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